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Devil’s Dictionary III – By Segun Dada

11 Jul

Jonathan: word used to describe shoelessness, cluelessness and hopelessness in leadership

Election: A means of resetting the musical chair of politicians involved in the stealing game.

Cabal: The highest, biggest and greatest decision making body in Nigeria.

Presidency: A word used to describe an Automated Condolence machine which condemns acts of terrorism and corruption on a daily basis

GCFR: GRAND CRIMINAL OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC. A national award given to the Cheerleader of Corruption.

Committee: a secret code language used in calling the president’s men to Come-and-eat (can also be spelt as (Com-eat-eee)

Farouki: the art of extortion and bribe taking. (Can be used in a sentence… E.g…The policeman Faroukied the bus driver)

Campus: A training camp for future pastors, politicians and prostitutes.

Activist: A man who still wears a safari suit even when the temperature is over 100 degrees centigrade.

Daddy (in the Lord): A general overseer who has walked on top of water just to show off.

Deacon/Deaconess: A title you get when you are too contaminated to be a pastor and yet too valuable- for your tithe – to be an ordinary floor member.

Faroukas: New currency printed by the cabal. It is used in describing bribe money whether in local or foreign currency (eg F620,000 or six hundred and twenty thousand Faroukas)

EFCC: Dog that barks but doesn’t have teeth

Bus Evangelists: A title given to a man or woman who uses buses for his/her church receives tithes and offerings from commuters and screams a lot.

PDP Youth Circuit: A process of seamlessly mashing the new breed politicians with the old breed without leaving a stretch mark.

Friends of a politician: Groupies willing to be gang-raped for a drop of juice from a politician’s table. (Eg Friends of Goodluck, Association of Goodluck’s Facebook friends)

Ruben Abati: A man who holds the top spot on the Guinness book of records for issuing the highest number of condolence messages within six months

Honorable: A title given to those who are allergic to honor, dignity or integrity

Immunity:A bullet proof vest given as a baptismal gift to armed robbers.

Intellectuals
: People whose job is to think backwards for their country, speak big english and get paid in dollars

Condemn: newly discovered Weapon of Mass destruction by the current Nigerian regime for bringing the perpetrators of dastardly acts to book.

Twitter: A country in Nigeria where public office holders are widely hated and Subbed. It is filled with rebels of all kinds, NB: its also known in some political circles as a security threat or a breeding ground for terrorists (boko haram).

Junk: The thing stuffed inside the brain compartment of an average Nigerian politician. Researchers at the Moshood Abiola University believe it is made of saw dust soaked in cunning fluid.

Harvard: A foreign university saddled with the responsibility of producing economic hit men and women for Nigeria

Wey Yellow: a free pass to all police checkpoints applicable nationwide (explanation; There’s always a cop with that nickname in 9 out of 10 patrol units… If you ask,they assume you are pals with him&go easy on you)

National Assembly: A meeting place for ex-thugs, ex-convicts and dishonorable men who earn $1,000,000 a year. There they decide if it is time for millions of $1 a day earners to be paid $2 a day.

Edwin Clark: A politician who has mastered the art of keeping himself trending by pissing down his leg.

PDP: Modern day evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Personal Assistant: A well-dressed politicians’ baby sitter who also picks up laundry from the drycleaners

Pundits: Journalism equivalent of charge-and-bail lawyers.

Radical: A Ranting politician with no record of doing anything specific while in government.

Security Vote: An unspecified amount of money given to governors and other chief executives to encourage them to steal government money.

Sting Operation: A secret service operation that could be made up to exist even if it never existed; usually done with the aim of embarrassing those embarrassing the cabal.

Testimony: Public rehearsal of wannabe Nollywood actors, typically in front of a church’s congregation.

Yabiswako: unknown twitter overlord.

Youth Corpers: Lambs sacrificed on the altar of national unity. Usually youths sent to dangerous parts of the country the Commander-In-Chief will never set foot in.

Devils Dictionary: the crazy imaginations of a mischievous Nigerian youth

 

Follow the writer on twitter @Dolusegun

 

NOTE:  This piece is courtesy of ekekeee.com

 

Twitter: @ Femiolas

https://femiolas.wordpress.com

http://femiolabisi.blogspot.com

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Posted by on July 11, 2012 in Comic

 

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